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fromthestands

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Curious -- How much interaction do most parents have with their daughter's college coach once they are actually in college?  What are the unwritten rules on that? 

And what happens if the coach leaves and a new coach comes in during the 4 years the girl is at the school?  Should the new coach be reaching out to communicate with the parents of girls already on the team or should the parents just stay out of the picture and let all communication happen between the player and coach?

Opinions are good but with all the coach movement over the last few years I am really interested in hearing about and comparing real life experiences.
3leftturns

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Reply with quote  #2 

I can only comment on your first line of query

For me, it was ZERO, except for team events or genial post-game stuff when they were, frankly, looking to kibbitz

Freshman year, I had my moments where I thought about it, but like the player herself.... you gotta get through it.

It is her gig and needs to handle that stuff

Each year got progressively better. But I also know that a chunk of that was because your second paragraph DIDN'T apply to her

CoachB25

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi, bye.  
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1janiedough

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Reply with quote  #4 
I was dumbfounded to find out that an Az player's family moved from SoCal to Tucson.
uwApoligist

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Reply with quote  #5 
HI, bye.

Right after they verballed my kid told the coach i hope they have a good sports psychologist available.  It was tongue in cheek, with just enough truth.  Even that was 'over' the line.  However, after her freshman year they spent more time and effort on sport psychology.   I was really just trying to save the coach a bit of grief. 

Kid could beat number 1 team in the nation, allowing a single base runner, then game 2 against such and such community college it was like she no longer knew how to pitch.  Could not get the first out. 

From the coaches perspective, the last thing on earth they need is any conversation with you at all.  40 parents a year they have to be around.  A couple of years of that and they get very good at not talking to parents.




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CoachC

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Reply with quote  #6 
Took this from a very good and successful D1 coach and use it every year with my newcomers.
"Please do not call or talk with the staff with questions regarding your daughter’s performance, playing time, etc.  My policy is to keep the player/coach relationship between the coach and player. Please call us if you have any concerns regarding her health or well being."

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Coach C
BStandby

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Reply with quote  #7 
None. I see the coach as no different than her first boss.  You wouldn't call that person would you?
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1janiedough

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Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BStandby
None. I see the coach as no different than her first boss.  You wouldn't call that person would you?


Sadly helicoptering is at an all time high.😎
gamer

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Reply with quote  #9 
Parents are observers and supporters - it's your daughter's responsibility to communicate with the coaches, and showup to work and contribute in whatever capacity best supports the team.

Our college team experienced a total coaching change after her sophomore year, no they did not reach out to us nor did we expect the new staff to.  It was our daughter's decision on where she chose to go - we did not try to influence her and she had several options and chose wisely on her own.  If she had decided to transfer her junior year, that would have been her decision also, but she did not and loved her experience and teammates - in addition to getting a great education.
drivemyjeep

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Reply with quote  #10 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fromthestands
Curious -- How much interaction do most parents have with their daughter's college coach once they are actually in college?  What are the unwritten rules on that? 

And what happens if the coach leaves and a new coach comes in during the 4 years the girl is at the school?  Should the new coach be reaching out to communicate with the parents of girls already on the team or should the parents just stay out of the picture and let all communication happen between the player and coach?

Opinions are good but with all the coach movement over the last few years I am really interested in hearing about and comparing real life experiences.


There will be zero calls to the parents. They are on the perimeter of the program... the SA’s are the ones the coach needs to get to know.

This is the problem, the fact that this is even a discussion point shows you where 18-22 year olds are these days.
leftyworld

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Reply with quote  #11 
This is your daughter’s career especially since TB is over. It is in her best interest for parents to take a far back seat away from interaction with coaches. My daughter went on her official visit by herself as she wanted to make a statement to the upper classman that she didn’t need her hand held and was mature enough to take care of business including taking someone’s spot on the field. Of course, she was the only incoming freshman to be without a parent that w/e. Statement made!! This will be her senior year and she is a leader as well as an adult.
CoachZ

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BStandby
None. I see the coach as no different than her first boss.  You wouldn't call that person would you?


+1,000,000
fromthestands

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Reply with quote  #13 
Everyone on here is quick to assume that my question means that I'm a helicopter parent.  My daughter is mid-way through her college career and has gone through a coach change.  My interactions with the new coaches have been of the "hi/bye" and "nice game" variety.  However, there are several other parents on the team that hint around at having had private conversations with the coaches.  And if you read through this message board - which I've done for about the last 5 years - many posters here talk a big talk as if they "know things" from coaches or administrators.  So my question was being posed as more of a "am I the only parent out there that doesn't talk to the coach?".  

Thanks to those that share their stories.  
ChinMusik

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Reply with quote  #14 
Everyone here seems dum so don't mind them.
lovsofbal

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Reply with quote  #15 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1janiedough


Sadly helicoptering is at an all time high.😎


I'd shoot those suckers down

Stretch

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Reply with quote  #16 
Our coach made it pretty obvious her first year as a DI coach that she wanted nothing to do with the parents. We have not spoken in 3 years, and I do not plan to communicate the 4th.
azure

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Reply with quote  #17 
At the beginning of the series, the coach would have a 5 minute conversation with us as parents.  "Glad to see you Mrs. x"  After that, it was clear that she was not talking with us.

Really, as parents, our job is to cheer from the stands and, occasionally, run some errand.

She seemed very consistent with this.

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jtat32

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Reply with quote  #18 
Quote:
Originally Posted by drivemyjeep

This is the problem, the fact that this is even a discussion point shows you where 18-22 year olds are these days.


Huh?  This discussion is by, for, and about parents.  If it is indicative of an issue, it would be an issue with our generation, not the players'.
IJ10

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Reply with quote  #19 
Haven’t spoke to daughters coach any since she enrolled in school , but i never really talked to her during the recruiting process either except to make sure i understood what the offer entailed. The good thing is daughter enjoyed her first year and she says she is thankful that the coach’s personality is the same as when she recruited her. Evidently a lot of her friends are not so lucky. Lol.
outofzone

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Reply with quote  #20 
Not quite the Hi/Bye scenario but close. Generic smiles & head nods after games. My kid is happy and doesn't complain about anything even close to making contact with a Coach about. 

I still carry a Hand Grenade to every Home game but haven't had to use it yet. Coach probably just throw it back at me though. 
SECFan04

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Reply with quote  #21 
I know one SEC school where some of the parents are bat $hit crazy and stick their noses in too much on coaching decisions. Which IMO has causes some internal strain on the program

Most I know of are good about letting what happens stick between the player and the coaches
uwApoligist

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Reply with quote  #22 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fromthestands
Everyone on here is quick to assume that my question means that I'm a helicopter parent.  My daughter is mid-way through her college career and has gone through a coach change.  My interactions with the new coaches have been of the "hi/bye" and "nice game" variety.  However, there are several other parents on the team that hint around at having had private conversations with the coaches.  And if you read through this message board - which I've done for about the last 5 years - many posters here talk a big talk as if they "know things" from coaches or administrators.  So my question was being posed as more of a "am I the only parent out there that doesn't talk to the coach?".  

Thanks to those that share their stories.  

I certainly did not assume you were a helicopter parent.   Critical piece of information was that your daughter was midway through, and had a recent coaching change.  Everyone assumed you were a rising freshman, and wanting to get a general lay of the land, as these posts are typically done.

I doubt there are other parents that have inside tracks on much.  Only time you really see that is when programs are exploding, ala Stanford 4 years ago.  Given you had a coaching change, there may be some of that going on, but doubtful.  I am making a couple of assumptions here.  First that you are mid to upper D1 program.  Second that the new coach is experienced head coach. 

In a top 20 team you will see zero interactions from the coach to the parent.  Parents lobbying for coaches attention is really just a distraction from what needs to happen to generate wins on the field.  As you go down the list in D1, the bottom teams, a lot of these guidelines go out the window.   There are something like 286 d1 softball teams.  As you get into the 250 or so, you will see first year d1 coaches, and all sorts of stuff.  They are often still figuring things out.

A situation that did seem to be an exception was when a kid on the teams parent is running a significant travel ball program.  We had that on one team, and the coach definitely talked to that parent more.  This did not, in any way shape or form appear to get that kid much in the way of additional chances.  But they were clearly talking about incoming and potential recruits.  

It could be a possibility that these parents are talking to their own travel ball coach and getting second hand information through that path.

It really depends on what kind of information you think these parents have.  If it is just general bs, they are probably just making it up, eyeballing up a program, where it is going and making good guesses, or overheard the coach saying something to an assistant.  Then pawning that off to other parents as inside track info.  Without knowing more about the information, and the schools play level, it is going to be hard to give you much more on it.


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CrowHop

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Reply with quote  #23 
Maybe if some parents had been more forceful and assertive about goings-on, Clint Myers would still have a job.
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Mark_H

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Reply with quote  #24 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SECFan04
I know one SEC school where some of the parents are bat $hit crazy and stick their noses in too much on coaching decisions. Which IMO has causes some internal strain on the program


Not just the SEC. Got to have ADs who back the coaches. You get an AD without a spine, parents can destroy a program.

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Mark_H

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Reply with quote  #25 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrowHop
Maybe if some parents had been more forceful and assertive about goings-on, Clint Myers would still have a job.
THAT'S when parents should get involved. Otherwise, it should be hi, good game, bye. Parents whining about playing time etc, should get an offer to go elsewhere from the AD.

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SECFan04

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Reply with quote  #26 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrowHop
Maybe if some parents had been more forceful and assertive about goings-on, Clint Myers would still have a job.


I would agree this is one of the few instances where parents SHOULD get involved. 

In terms of coaching decisions and how a program is run, parents should back off. If the situation is that bad then transfer to another program. There is way more harm than good that comes from helicopter parents, not saying they aren't wrong but it causes way too many problems.
SECFan04

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Reply with quote  #27 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark_H


Not just the SEC. Got to have ADs who back the coaches. You get an AD without a spine, parents can destroy a program.


Agreed
CoachZ

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Reply with quote  #28 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrowHop
Maybe if some parents had been more forceful and assertive about goings-on, Clint Myers would still have a job.


Do you mean “some parents” like as in Clint Myers as “a parent”? Because perhaps if he had “been more forceful and assertive about goings on” as a parent, yes, he would still have a job.
UGASBFan

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Reply with quote  #29 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SECFan04
I know one SEC school where some of the parents are bat $hit crazy and stick their noses in too much on coaching decisions. Which IMO has causes some internal strain on the program

Most I know of are good about letting what happens stick between the player and the coaches


Georgia's most recent helicopter parent went bye-bye when their daughter quit the team this past year. She's now on another D1 team and I'm happy for her, but those parents can kick rocks.
CrowHop

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Reply with quote  #30 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoachZ


Do you mean “some parents” like as in Clint Myers as “a parent”? Because perhaps if he had “been more forceful and assertive about goings on” as a parent, yes, he would still have a job.


Hadn't thought about it in quite that way, but I think its both....both him personally, and parents of the girls on the team.    A harsh lesson that just "closing your eyes and hoping it all goes away" doesn't work in such cases.

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