Ultimate College Softball
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Posts: 6,889
Reply with quote  #1 
"Guidelines For Whiffle Ball Hurlers"

1) Don't throw outside pitches to power hitters.
2) Don't throw broken whiffle balls.
3) Don't insert one broken ball inside another. (see below)
4) Don't pitch balls that the kids have filled with plastic bags. M+V=D (Mass plus velocity equals dents, in you.)
5) The heavier the gauge of plastic ball, the more you should throw inside. (see above)
6) Repeat this mantra, rollover wrist to leftys, supinate wrist to rightys.
7) Don't throw outside pitches to anyone over the age of eight years old.
8) Don't throw outside pitches to big hitting eight years olds.
9) Beware of moms saying, "Let me hit one.", that have visible tattoos.
10) Don't throw whiffle balls to anyone who says, "I've been working on letting the ball in deep."
11) Use a glove.
12) Remember, sitting on a bucket will only make the fall that more comedic.
13) To male hurlers: In fear, instinct will bring your hands up to protect your face. This can be a mistake.
14) S/he who can't throw accurately is assigned a safer task.
15) If you plunk a batter, throw the next ball in unhittable fashion, watching the front foot of the hitter. If you don't understand why, stop throwing immediately.
16) Do not offer inducement. "Dollar if you hit me", will leave you beaten and poor.
17) When pitching to your own child, understand, how anger produces adrenaline, which can provide power. (See #s 1 & 15.)
18) Crossfire is a military tactic that enhances a kill zone. Simultaneously tossing to multiple hitters produces a similar effect.
19) A red welt fades. You Tube is forever.
20) On second thought, don't throw outside pitches. Period.

Sometimes you are the mole, sometimes the mushroom.

Posts: 7,486
Reply with quote  #2 
21) Don't throw whiffle balls to Dee Ann Young at high altitudes such as Big Bear Lake.
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